Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
