We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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