it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
