Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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