Those balls look pretty dangerous.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
