Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize