i'm signing you up for texting rehab
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
