i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
