im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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