Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
