You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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