Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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