I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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