kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
