I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
