I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
