Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
