he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
