why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
