So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
