...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
