she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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