I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
