She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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