She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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