I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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