today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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