We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
