And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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