hotel room ftw
the day after is always just damage control
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
