apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
