No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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