You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize