I looked at my own cervix.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
