My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
