he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
