Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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