last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
