Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
