the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
