I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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