Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
