I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
