i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This house was built for laser tag.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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