dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
