after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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