Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
