i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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