You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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