we have officially lost it.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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