My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
