Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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