My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
where are my eyebrows?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
