Writing my paper on freud at bar
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Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
