third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
