drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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