I want to make a zoo with you.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
