I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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