You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
