saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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