It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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