my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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