I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
