Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
