We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
