I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
