Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
