I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize