piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Blood and glitter go together right?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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