What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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