we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i think im in europe. pls send help
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
