I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
