So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Two words: blizzard sex
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
