lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
