You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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