Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
