Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
