Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize